Month: September 2016

It’s Time to Blow Up The Buffalo Bills

When in Rome, do as you do to (Greg) Roman.

Get rid of everybody.

OK, obviously not literally everybody, but it’s time to blow up the Buffalo Bills. Two years ago when Rex was hired, I was skeptical. Which is a nice way of saying I thought we were fucked. Hated him as a Jet and even more as a Bill. The paradox is that he’s apparently the most lovable guy in the world. How else do you explain him getting the job? He brought flowers with a card filled with X’s and O’s, and the Pegula’s swooned.

“He’s so real and so charming. I just, I feel like I can trust him, ya know? Plus, he totally gets my sense of humor.”

Two years later, the relationship is what we feared it would be. He said he’d get us a ring, and we told everybody that it was gonna happen. But, ya know, he’s had a rough go lately. Things aren’t working out for him, bit of a rough patch, and he just needs a few breaks and then our relationship will get back on track.

Metaphors aside, this relationship needs to end. Not a break. A breakup.

The Bills need to go full Philadelphia Eagles and Chip Kelly. They need to go Eternal Sunshine on the relationship and remove every possible reminder that this was a thing. From pictures on the wall to players in the locker room. Clean house, start over and start new. This isn’t doom and gloom, this is just what needs to happen. Of course they’ll be bad, but they’re already bad.

My next move as GM? Trade Sammy Watkins. Give him a few weeks to put up some numbers a la Marshawn Lynch and deal him to a team like San Diego that’s desperate for a receiver. Or how about San Fran? Anybody. Get what you can for him, because that guy is headed straight for the self-checkout lane. I don’t blame him. He’s the stepchild in this relationship, doomed to be a misfit for a run-first offense with a run-first coordinator and a run-better-than-he-passes QB. He’s wasted on this team, and first chance he gets, he’ll be gone. So, better get something for him now. Won’t be the two No. 1 picks the Bills gave away for him, but better than nothing. He can’t make the team win, and right now, he can barely help.

I like Whaley and I hope he stays, but not likely. The rest of the coaching staff? Gone. If someone out there really wanted Charles Clay? Him, too. Another wasted talent — not his fault, either.

Shit of it is that, while Sammy and others can be traded in the next few weeks, Rex and Rob are more or less stuck here until the end of the season. I mean, unless someone can go Coach Lance from Varsity Blues the rest of the way. Terrible movie, by the way. I mean, just fucking god-awful. Back-up QB is reading Vonnegut on the sideline and taking his skill guys to a strip club the night before a game, yet somehow the coach is the bad guy. Clearly doesn’t know the playbook so he makes up plays, and instead of just spiking the ball he throws it at a mascot, wasting precious seconds. So, so, so much more wrong with that film. It’s the Rex Ryan of football movies. Seems like it should be better than it actually is.